Why isn't there a 'Best Extra' category at tonight's Oscars?

The award I want to see at tonight's Oscars is "Best Extra." Which noname figure grabbed the attention of the academy with his or her understated nothingness or perhaps a flash of personality in screen time amounting to no more than a handful of seconds? Which extra caught the eye of the judges when they grew bored with The Help? There could even be separate categories of Extra Oscars: Best Supporting-supporting-supporting-supporting actor and actress (a support at twelve removes from the actor he or she supports); Best Animated Extra, for that cartoon figure composed of nothing more than a few brush strokes and hidden in the deep background of Rango; Least Visible Extra, for the one who works most creatively with his or her obscurity; Best Impossible Extra, for that background actor who somehow makes her way onto films where the leading actor is alone for most of the film (Castaway comes to mind); Best Dressed Extra (how far away can someone be and still look good?).

What would these awards reveal? First, it would show us that the academy actually cared about film, the literal surface of the film. Nominating a handful of people who get no more than a few seconds of fame would tell us that the academy judges had studied every entry as if they were the FBI studying the Zapruder film, slowing the movie down to its image basis in search of that decisive background clue, the acting equivalent of the second gunman. This award would pay tribute not to the docility of the consuming stare but to the momentary and subtle power of the glimpse.

I envision the Oscar award as a regular Oscar, but with a smaller figure standing behind it. The announcement of the winner would result in an astonishingly precious moment never seen on Oscar night: the extra would approach the stage and stand uncomforably in front of the presenter. This situation of the bodies would be the first outrageous inversion of the way things are on the Hollywood screen. It would initiate a sense of extraordinary celebration. The winning extra would accept the trophy, approach the microphone, and say, "Hi, Mom."